Before you judge, understand why

Before you judge understand why

The story that shocked me…

Some time ago I came across a Facebook post.
Written by the founder of a large Facebook group.
A Facebook group that resembles positive thinking people.

It was a surprise and shock to read this post.

This is a summary:

It’s the start of the year again and we are flooded with messages from pseudo-coaches and self-proclaimed gurus who want to convince you that you can be happy/skinny/a good mother/the perfect entrepreneur in 3/7/10 steps.

I detect them immediately, people who have attended a business and Facebook marketing course: their words and sentences are the same, eerily similar and unoriginal, only the subject changes.

Their victim? You, if you get caught in their web and bullshit.

Let us be clear, the people in this Facebook group do not have the perfect body (or they do), do not have the perfect job (or they do)…

The only thing that counts is that with all your perfect flaws you dare to be vulnerable in life, that you can put yourself and possibly drama into perspective and that you do not need this “oh poor me”.

Inspiration, connection, and growth: we choose for: think for yourself, be kind to yourself and if you seek confirmation or attention or standard solutions or need a guru who spells everything out for you, you are not here in the right place here.

We do not always tell you what you want to hear, here we are positively critical and also the first to support you, but not with a hidden agenda or with ingrained convictions.

What do you make of it?

I saw a lot of people agreeing with his post.
And others were more or less shocked.
I belong to the latter.
But I suppose you got that 🙂

Why was I shocked and what can I/we learn from this?

  • To be honest and vulnerable, I guess it felt like the writer was talking about me (even though I would not call myself a pseudo-coach or self-proclaimed guru). I was not the only one feeling this. I’m sure this is not what the writer intended because a lot of members of that Facebook group are coaches, consultants, advisors, trainers. And I’m sure the writer did not want to scare them away.
  • I know a lot of people who have indeed attended business and marketing courses that helped them find their voice and message and realize a big break-through. Can you blame them for wanting to share this with the world? It is possible that, when spreading their message and mission, these people use the templates they received. It’s by practicing and tweaking that you’ll finally be able to come up with a language that is truly yours and that takes time. So yes, in the beginning, it might sound a little unoriginal.

Provoking thought: are school teachers that original – do we blame them for teaching stuff they did not invent themselves?

  • In my humble opinion, somebody who is able to structure a process in 3/7/10 concrete steps is not a bad coach. On the contrary. It’s easier for the coachee to understand and grasp.

Question: Is it good or bad when your children’s’ teachers structure their teaching materials?

  • The writer talks about coaches with a hidden agenda (making money). I wonder, how was the writer able to find out about the agendas of these coaches? Did the writer ask? Is the writer a mind-reader? And what is wrong with making money while helping/coaching others.

“The best thing you can do for the poor is not being one of them.” – Reverend Ike

Interesting quote. It is  indeed difficult (in my humble opinion) to coach/train/help/service people when you have financial problems.

  • “Ingrained convictions” that is what the writer is accusing these coaches of. I wonder, who has ingrained convictions here?…

Now, what are the lessons learned?

I’ll answer with 3 quotes.

quote dr seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don’t matter, and people who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

quote before you judge

“Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think.” – Unknown

quote be kind

“In a world where you can be anything… be kind.” – Unknown

To end, I’d like to thank the writer of the post mentioned above.
It made me remember to always be open-minded and never to judge without asking why.
The writer also said valuable things about being vulnerable and kind.
And I love the fact that the writer implies that we shouldn’t be perfect.

Let us all be amazing.

Your turn: How do you feel about this post? Let us know in the comment box below.



  1. The author is right to be critical to the mass of messages we receive. But is he also critical to his own message? For we all need sometimes a ‘philosophical’ line to reflect on our selves; and we all need some pragmatic hints to get those new convictions and intentions started. We have the freedom and the capacity to accept messages and take standard solutions to make them tailor made to ourselves. Or simply ignore the whole message. And that’s what I do with the words of this non-guru who communicates just like all the other gurus. But that’s his freedom, isn’t it?

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