10 things you’ll never say again

10 things mentally strong people don’t say

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted something?
But there was something that stopped you?
Especially your thoughts?

Maybe you want to get noticed by your potential customer?
Maybe you want to stand out among the crowd?
Maybe you want to do that little extra for your customer?
Maybe you want to improve some technical skills?
Or you secretly admire the people who are good at public speaking?
You want to go for it, but you know how or where to start …

So you say, “I do not know how to do that.”
That’s it.
End of story

That was the answer a friend gave me when we discussed her business.
In fact, her business is stagnating. She is a professional in what she does.
But she has never been into marketing.
Let alone social media marketing.
And the thought of uploading videos on YouTube scares her.

So when I said: “why not do something with video to give your marketing and business a boost?”
Her answer was: “I do not know how to do that.”
And my reaction is: “So?”

And that brings me to the theme of this blog.
What are 10 things you shouldn’t say?
Or better, what are 10 things that mentally strong people do not say?

1. I can’t do this

When you say “I can’t do this”…
you have to ask yourself the following questions:

You can’t do this YET?
You don’t think you will be able to do/learn this?
You WON’T do/learn this?

Be honest and don’t hide behind a lousy excuse like “I can’t do this”.
Because you most probably can do this.
If you want to.
And if you set your mind to it.

2. I can do this all by myself

When I talked to the people who attended the Business Boost Events I used to organize and popped the question:

“Do you want to take your business to the next level and would like some help with that?…”

Some of the participants indicated that they very satisfied having attended the event.
And yeah, they wanted to move to the next level.
However, they first want to try it for themselves.
They don’t need us now, not yet.
When they find out they can’t do it by themselves, they will come back to us.

OK, I get that.
Not everybody feels the need to attend the next level program.
And that’s ok.

What I do find important is that you understand you cannot do everything by yourself.
You don’t have to either.
Just remember: 1 + 1 equals 3.

Also: dare to ask for help.
Unless you are dealing with a narcissist or psychopath,
most of the people are very happy to help you because it also gives them a good feeling.

So delegate, ask help, find a buddy and do not waste valuable time.

3. He/she makes me feel small, unhappy, stupid…

That is something that I used to suffer from.
I was a negative person.
And I blamed everyone for anything and everything.
I always felt that I was ‘small’.
Luckily, I stopped doing that.

The thing is: I kept myself small.

Makes me think of the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

“nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

Ok, that’s easier said than done. It is a skill that you need to develop.
But what is important is to know that you (can have) control over your thoughts and attitude but not someone else’s thoughts and attitude.
I admit, there are rude people in the world.
Changing them is practically impossible.
However you can decide how you respond to those people.

A colleague of mine once said:
“If you roll your eyes, it is clear that you think you are superior to me.”

1 – that is not true – who am I to feel superior?!

2 – it’s her choice to decide how she deals with this. She can choose to feel bad and disappointed and angry. Or she can say: “when Miss Bunnens rolls her eyes, so be it. I know what I stand for. And I will say what I have to say. F**k Bunnens” ????

4. If only I had…

I used to have a colleague who relived his past forever.
He was constantly saying things like:
“if only I attended college… “,
“I shouldn’t have done that….”,
“If only my mother would have loved me… ”

What is important to know is that you cannot change the past.
That is behind us.
Mentally strong people do not waste time on the past and wish that things could be different.
They recognize their past and can say what they have learned from it.
They do not constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days.
Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

5. That’s not fair

Calimero always says:
“They are big and I am small, and that is not fair, oh no.”
No matter how cute Calimero is, constantly claiming that this or that is not fair does not really make him mature.
And that also applies to you if you say keep on saying that something isn’t fair.

Life is simply not fair.
You are an adult and you should know this.
You come across as immature and naive when you say this all the time.

I remember that one of my former colleagues was extremely angry because he did not get a promotion, someone else did.
He told everyone that it was not fair.
What he could have done instead was to ask the decision-makers what the reason was for not being chosen and which competencies he might have to develop to make a better chance next time. “

6. I didn’t have a choice

This too is an example of avoiding your responsibilities.
Successful people always see the options, regardless of the circumstances.
If we say that we have no choice, it means that we see ourselves as a victim,
that we are less powerful than our environment.
These weak words release you from all responsibility.

Successful people say “I have a choice”,
“Here are our options”, or:
“Let us imagine all possibilities.”

You always have a choice.
It won’t always be easy.
But there are always options.

7. I’ll try

When I talk to my clients, I often ask:
“What action are you going to take in this area?”

Many people then respond with caution:
“I am going to try this and do this …”

When you say “try” you don’t come across as a confident person.
It looks as if you doubt your ability to take that action.
Plus, you don’t show commitment when you say “Try”.

Suppose you go to the garage for the maintenance of the car and the guy says:
“I’m going to try to do the maintenance today”.

Euh? What do you mean “try”? …

8. He/she thinks…

“Can you read my mind?”
I sometimes think when I have a discussion with the person I mentioned in point 3.
She has a tendency to read my mind.
She is not always very good at it. ????

She’s convinced I feel superior to her when I roll my eyes.
That is by no means the case.
She tried to read my mind.
But unfortunately, she came to the wrong conclusion.

So, try not to guess what other people are thinking.
Check first.

I recently found a quote that I find appropriate here:

“Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think.”

9. He/she is a loser, is lazy…

It is clear that you do not come across as mature when you gossip about others.
That says more about you than about that person.

Imagine you claim somebody is a lazy bum.
How sure are you that that person is lazy?
And if it would be the case that that person is lazy, then that might already be common knowledge.
So, what is the use of you repeating it?
Will you suddenly turn that person into an active and energetic human being?
And suppose it is not accurate, then you are the silly one.

To speak badly about another person is often an uncertain attempt to make yourself better.
Usually, you achieve the opposite effect.

10. I’ll try my best

This is a tricky one.
Imagine having to undergo a crucial heart surgery.
And the cardiologist says, “I will do my best to save your life.”

How does that sound?
Fairly good?
Fortunately, he is going to do his best to save your life.
That’s his job.

Luckily he does not say: “I will try to save you”

And yet he could say something even better…
What if he says:
“I will do whatever it takes to save your life”

How does that feel?
Better, right?

Think about a goal, you really want to reach.
Will you do your best to reach it?
Or will you do everything it takes?

Your choice…

All right, we have covered 10 things mentally strong people don’t say.

Bad news: not everybody is mentally strong.
You might think that people with mental strength are born that way and that it is inherent in who they are.
That is not the case.
Mental strength is a skill that someone with little perseverance can develop.
And that’s the good news.

Mentally strong people have certain habits that they constantly repeat and that results in mental strength.
The idea is that you develop the habit of turning these 10 statements into strong ones.
And a habit becomes a skill.

Up to you now.
What are the statements you still make?
And what can you say instead?
Say it aloud. Again and again.
And you will develop a habit of being mentally strong.

I used to be a person with low self-esteem,
always complaining and blaming.
Until one day, I decided to change.

And I did. And so can you.
I believe in you!

Your turn:
Can you come up with an 11th statement we should never make again? Let us know in the comment box.